Navigating SEX in the van, and the in between.
My usual give you a little rant every 3 months skipped a beat. Oh well I am here now.
Every season is a chance to start again…
Let’s just kick start the year with nothing but a totally TABOO subject.
SEX.
It is something people all ask and are too scared to ask. Especially travelling in the van. I have wanted to touch on this for months. It is the subject that everyone is far too scared to chat about while you're pregnant, after your pregnant and it is something that when we embrace, we can be fucking smashed with opinions.
It is totally ok if this a trigger conversation for you, I get it I am not making you read it but for others on the others side it may be just what you need to hear.
The reassurance you are not alone. As a mother who feels like an unsexy sack of shit now and then pushing through that bullshit to shine again like a fucking QUEEN!
People are mortified, and I get it I hate listening to people talk about “taking a shit” but to me this subject is something else.
There are so many seasons in our sexuality and that is something we just do not talk about.
Let alone hello I am living in a confined space and want to keep the spice alive!
Sexuality is more than just SEX. I dont even know if all of this will make sense but I am sure you will get what I am putting down… or unsubscribe. I am sure!
Sexuality is a vast and beautiful spectrum that goes far beyond physical acts of sex. It’s an integral part of who we are—our identity, how we connect with others, and how we experience pleasure, intimacy, and passion. Sexuality encompasses our desires, our self-expression, and the way we relate to our bodies and emotions. It’s about creativity, vulnerability, and authenticity, embracing the essence of what it means to be human. Whether through touch, conversation, or simply the energy we exude, sexuality is a deeply personal and dynamic force that flows through every aspect of our lives. It’s a connection to ourselves, our partners, and the world—a reflection of our unique essence and the way we choose to engage with life.
It is the unspoken, but the spoken. If this is too much then scroll on, but if you are here going FUCK YES I want to know your secrets then strap in or strap on you pick!
2 people on a journey to reconnect.
"Marriage isn’t about perfection or keeping score; it’s about choosing each other every single day, even when it’s messy. It’s the space where love grows, laughter heals, and connection reminds you that you’re not walking this journey alone."
Many may not know but when we travelled Australia prior to kids, I actually managed an adult store on the Sunshine Coast and despite those absolute pricks that managed the place I loved that job. I was in my early 20s and I had no fucking idea what I was even in for, but I went for it. It allowed me to embrace a side I really had not explored, and I don’t mean buying vibrators and watching porn. I mean I met the most amazing and unique people. People confident in themselves. Confident in surprising their partners, old people still thriving and playing dress up. The girls coming in to help out a pregnant mate. It was an experience let me tell you. I appreciated that time in life, carefree, simple and all about the fun! Yes, we read some porn, and obviously we copied porn. I lived with 2 blokes. Free porn? WIN! I also admired the women confident in their bodies, who came in and purchased the most elegant and beautiful underwear. It isn’t just all dildos, pissing on each other and gang banging.
You would be surprised who walks in those doors, and the people you read about in the most strangest magazines… (Echuca man who use to fake heart attacks to piss himself was insightful)
I have always had a wonderful sex life with my husband, and being high school sweethearts it is a long few years of being lovers. (Yes, I married the guy I met in high school)
My body has changed with my age, and my seasons. I am not the tiny girl he met in high school but my heart is the same. We had all the teen sex romps here there and everywhere, and we all have those amazing stories in our back pockets. The memories you want to forget, and the ones you laugh about today still. Life is wild, and when your young a free nothing much matters.
Our carefree love has come with us into our adulthood, and like the tides it has changed but the fresh love is shining back here again.
Coral Bay. The hardest few months of our life, battling all the emotions and realisations.
I love that about my husband who keeps the spice in there. No matter what has happened, with each season he has loved me more. Being pregnant he couldn’t get enough of me and I honestly loved sex in my pregnancies. I did have those fuck this is weird moments thinking of a child between us but honestly having sex and that intimacy for me makes stress disolve. Having an earth-shattering orgasm makes a difference in my mood, in our moods in our sleep.
This is something I suggest we all take a moment to look at.
How good do you feel after sex?
We have always made the time and yesssss like everyone we have had the moments when a week had passed and we were like “OMG WHAT ARE WE DOING” We love that connection to each other, and I was lucky because after kids I was only 4 weeks before I was comfortable in getting under the sheets. I think I am just comfortable in myself in that sexual way that I could just embrace it. Even today. I am quiet confident in my body.
Running on empty = distance
Between kids, work, and Winnie’s illness we had the biggest challenges. We still made time but as we began falling into fight or flight it was a challenge and the biggest topic of conversation. We worked hard on date nights, and weekends away. Sleeping and having sex. Good food, the silence, and conversations.
But throughout that came the hard parts. He was using sex and chocolate as a quick fix, and a distraction from what was really happening while I was just lacking the drive from pure exhaustion and the emptiness that he didn’t understand me.
This is a conversation we have frequently. It is very hard to navigate but needs to be on the table.
The conversations turned into empty connection, and disconnected sex. Then it would flow back. I was exhausted feeling like I had to be all the things. I am sure everyone can relate, and this isn’t just a FEMALE thing. Men do also feel that absolute resentment, and disconnection plus feeling they have to be ALL the things. The conversations became heated, but we opened the flood gates to understanding each other needs and wants. That to us is important and I know he adores me, and my body but I wanted the connection back. Deeper connection. He was sinking further into his dark hole, when the ultimatum was given, and he took up the challenge. We need to remind ourselves also that being open and honest is better than being quiet. They don’t know your WANTS NEEDS and DESIRES. They can’t read your mind. We cant read each others minds.
I have also ventured into the TOY realm, and whilst in lockdowns hosted a online toy party. It was hilarious, and it was so needed for everyone. Over $500 in free stuff for me, with over $4000 in sales. Some ladies who had never bought before bounced in. From lube to the door swing it was brilliant and so liberating to see so many women just jump in ask questions and shop!
Pure Romance for anyone who is asking….. also want to know more? Just ask!?
SEX IN A CARAVAN. HOW?
When we packed up and took off, we knew this would be our BIGGEST challenge yet. We both enjoy sex, we enjoy the connection, the teasing, the dirty messages and all the things in-between. But how the fuck would we get through 12 months on the road in a confined space. Now we all like some loud sex, so that is the first thing you learn to be quiet.
You learn new ways to move with each other, and new ways to be adventurous!
Having the time and space to reconnect on this intimate level was what our relationship needed. But also, the emotional level, and communication. We both did 6 months of counselling around family, life, and so on. Some serious EMDR work, and reflection. Healing through this also gave us both more of an understanding of the mistakes we had made, and were we needed to pick up the slack. It is not just a one-sided marriage; this is about both of us and the best part we are both committed to working on it. The many layers. What was missing and why!
We let go of friendships, and we have had more and more conversations on the daily around ourselves. JJ has taken the time to adore me in a new way, on a deeper personal level. This simple affection, that is genuine is what I need as a mother and wife. I don’t need a new car, holidays and a flash home. I need genuine connection. Touch, and words. I need someone who supports me. That is what I need and expressing that over and over to someone who is stuck in fight or flight is exhausting. We needed to break him, and that we did.
Once he had moved out of that state somewhat, as much as he can, a newer version came back.
That version is growing every single day into the person we all need here in our home.
Spontaneous sex in the van is fun, we love the challenge of not getting caught. We have had Fergus Walk in mid-session sleepwalking; the door swung open multiple times in multiple places… The last-minute excuses you have to think of come quicker, and you know what when we are not in the van, we make the most of the space we have. We have put a movie on in the car, while we “pack down the van” It is amazing how much they can tune out when the Wi-Fi is on.
“A woman who owns her sexual desires and needs stands in her power—unapologetic, radiant, and free. She is her own permission, her own passion, and her own liberation.”
My husband definitely takes good care of me, and I am not mad at him for letting me be selfish this year at all. I feel like I fucking deserve it.
Whilst in a town recently I wanted some new towels, in which he replied "You can buy the towels, only if you go here too and get yourself something” at first, I was kind of like “Are you fucking serious” in my own head, but then I thought hang on he actually wants you to treat yourself. Also, why are you not excited about some new sexy underwear you wear Nanna undies?
It had been forever since I splashed out and picked up a G string for myself, so I agreed.
I had to push myself outside of my comfort zone. That is uncomfortable.
I was tired, angry and I just said to myself internally “No go buy it and wear it tonight” and I did. I did it for him, yes but also for myself. I find that I often push that negative self talk into my head, and then in he steps. Running his hands across me, and whispering things into my ear. The kids actually tell us we are embarrassing now, and “We are not use to having parents this affectionate” When they said that J actually said, “Well I am now, and I will try more” He has worked on himself and making sure that CONNECTION is actually there.
Deep connection that makes me feel seen, understood, held and horny!
At the end of the day, my personal point of view is having a healthy sex life is not only great for YOU but for everyone.
It is something that definitely comes up in my healing sessions and has always come up in conversations with friends. And that is alright!
We all lose ourselves, and our connections but it is important to bring that back or at least try. We need to acknowledge the roll we play, and if we are alone, I feel that is when you get to know your own body.
Exploring your own needs alone means you have that power in you to know what you want, what you like and what you need.
Creativity and orgasms are deeply connected through the Sacral Chakra, located just below the navel. This energy centre governs pleasure, passion, sensuality, and creative expression, making it the seat of our most vibrant life force.
When this chakra is balanced, we experience a flow of inspiration, emotional connection, and the ability to fully embrace joy and creativity. Orgasms, as an expression of this energy, release powerful waves of endorphins and awaken the Sacral Chakra, dissolving blockages and reigniting our innate creative spark. Whether through artistic endeavours, problem-solving, or simply living with more vitality, nurturing this energy brings a profound harmony between our desires, emotions, and creative potential.
Showing your partners the way, and opening up the flow of creation.
Orgasms and creations.
It is all the same space, and there is nothing wrong with exploring any of that.
So here I am spilling the tea on a few things, that may make people side eye. If you have gotten this far thank you and I will see you on my LIVE tonight at 8pm. I will deep dive into this more.
Love yourself. Love each other, on all levels. You can thrive again, and hey if you're feeling depleted maybe its time for us to do a few healings! Let’s work together.
Let’s clear up and clean out and make room for all the abundance and love you deserve in 2025.
x Ferris x
Here are three fun facts about intimacy:
Oxytocin, the "Love Hormone":
When we engage in intimate activities, our bodies release oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding, trust, and emotional connection. This hormone is also released during hugs, physical touch, and even when you cuddle up with a pet, helping strengthen relationships and boost feelings of happiness.Intimacy Can Improve Sleep:
Engaging in intimate moments can help promote better sleep. The release of oxytocin and endorphins after intimacy not only creates a sense of relaxation but can also reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.Laughter is Sexy:
Studies suggest that couples who laugh together during intimate moments tend to have stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Humour is a great way to relieve stress, connect emotionally, and build a deeper bond. So, a good laugh can actually enhance intimacy!General Trends:
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average American adult has sex 54 times a year, or roughly once a week.Women and Sex Toys:
Around 60-70% of women report having used a sex toy, with vibrators being the most commonly used.Couples and Sex Toys:
Studies show that 40-50% of couples incorporate sex toys into their intimate lives to enhance pleasure, explore fantasies, or improve communication.Boosts Heart Health:
Regular sexual activity can improve cardiovascular health by increasing heart rate and circulation. Studies suggest that sex may lower the risk of heart disease, especially for men, when enjoyed regularly as part of a healthy lifestyle.
