The Ending + The Beginning.
The Shed.
So what is 2024 bringing for The Shed 888.
A space that I started to bring community together, that evolved into meditation groups, growth, reiki sessions, connection and so much more. That space saved so many, and if you are here reading this, signed up to the journey this space is on then I have no doubt you experienced some of it. Some of the magic this simple shed created, and the expansion it brought with us.
A space that evolved over lockdown, when I took that time to dive deeper into myself. Into my why. Into the dark parts of my existence and question what the fuck I was doing.
Realising that parts needed to change, my childhood needed addressing and that at nearly 40 I wasn’t having a midlife crisis I was figuring out who I am and where I fit in in this world.
I will keep this short and sweet today for you all. If I can…
I don’t like to call myself a HEALER, more of an intuitive healer, I guess. We are never ever healed, and we are forever going to be doing the work. Unpacking the shit in our cases.
I want to work in this space, connecting with the people on the same journey. Questioning it all and knowing that there are so many out there to support you! That the REAL MESSY SHIT is REAL. That we all have valid emotions that need to be felt, acknowledged and moved through.
No shame.
So what have we done…
We sold our home in 2023, and by January 2024 we were living in a caravan. I forced my family of five into the unknown, basically because I was not going to keep living the way we were. Living in a cycle that kept us trapped on a wheel. Drowning in unhappiness. Sadness. Trauma. Resentment.
“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”
― Warsan Shire
Living a life that did not fucking ALIGN with who I was, who we wanted to be, our dreams and hopes for our children. Living an every day basic existence.
Living in a zombie bubble…. in a town we hated. Our kids unhappy, our lives broken, and both of us questioning “what the fuck are we doing!?”
For our family this life has been a rollercoaster of the most unexpected shit I could ever imagine. I did not expect what the universe delivered, and yet apparently as they say I signed up for this contract long before I arrived earth side. The SOUL CONTACT. Can we void that? Can we please change it to a choose your own adventure? I love that fascinating shit of thinking outside the normal. That we have lived many lives until we break the pattern. That at this very moment I am living another life on a whole other timeline. That we will continue to repeat that same life shit, in all the different ways until at some point you go “Fuck this needs to change”.
Little Sarah.
My days always filled with laying on the roof of anything I could climb, along with the trees!
I was that little girl dream of growing up, meeting the man of my dreams, and having this wildly big, adorable family. Growing up around my family and sisters. Family connection like I saw within my own family. (Which all fell apart as soon as my Nan passed) I would have a couple of girls, and a son. I always dreamed of my children. I always dreamed of 4 kids, but there was always only one boy. Why they fuck would I want so many girls? I grew up with 2 sisters and it was crazy. (I don’t remember fighting much at all? I feel like we got along so well for 3 girls, even with the challenges but also so many black holes in my memories. Something I now reflect on a lot and ask “why don’t I remember?”)
Living a carefree settled life. What a DREAM. That is what I would do when I grew up. No doubt about it. Right!?
Expectations vs Reality.
Life Changed
It turned upside down when child number 2 arrived. It was the blind leading the blind.
““Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.””
NEWS FLASH SARAH you're in for a real LESSON this round.
Even with everything that was thrown at us from all the directions, we took it in our stride trying to remain positive, be parents to our other daughter to protect and support her so she was not traumatised as best we could, while keeping our marriage intact, have an income and live a somewhat normal life.
Whatever the fuck that was in this whirlwind. A grey cloud that swallowed us whole.
The medical system navigation with an unknown illness, a leo mother fighting hard, meant that we were running blind every admission.
It was relentless.
I’ve never counted the admissions up, and I never will. I don’t want to think about it. But I do know 2019 we nearly lost her.
The admissions endless. Sleepless nights. Not knowing if she would come home. The exhaustion. The disappoint in people. The system. Our broken hearts. The regrets. The list is endless of the pain, and heartache you carry as a medical parent. Her disease is VIPER. It is named after her, and that doorway for other families is now opening. That battle was long, like taking on all the Harry Potter Villans at once. But I pray through our horrendous medical battle, that other families will never have to battle like we did. That viper is in the system, and these children can be helped.
The last 9 years swallowed us whole. It has spat us out broken into a million pieces.
It has left our daughter wounded, with hypoxia brain damage, medical trauma and PTSD. Along with this comes memory loss, emotional issues, speech issues, unable to read and write. General all round everyday life pieces that need assistance. In a world where you are barely recognised.
When you are in FIGHT FLIGHT FREEZE FAWN you just hang in there.
Day by day until you have the strength, courage and power within to change a tiny part that rolls into a HUGE part.
This is when I decided I would not live this STORY anymore. The narrative HAD to change.
I pushed my husband basically out of his business. As days turn into weeks and you see nothing changing just us morphing into absent souls, at what point do you push the decision? He was drowning in work, disconnected from who he is and what is important. He still is. Trauma swallows you whole. He has his own demons from his childhood and life to also deal with. His soul stripped back to nothing after the beating of a life time. The battering of the last 9 years taken his whole being apart. It had to change. Something had to give to make way for the light. Having space to stop, reflect, feel all the shit and work on it. Work on himself. On us. Address those things you ignore. Watching the love of your life falling apart is hard, but it is even harder trying to show them that it is up to THEM to change themselves. That showing them, leaping into the darkness together may just save us? or kill us…
So he took a risk. A HUGE risk. One way out of his comfort zone!
Do you need to STEP UP? SHOW UP? Are you stopping yourself from having the life you deserve? Healing yourself from the trauma? Making the calls? Taking that first step?
Stop relying on everyone else to do the WORK FOR YOU. It is YOUR STORY.
CHANGE IT.
“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”― Andy Warhol
So here I am, working on myself on the road. Working on myself for my children, and for my past self. For my ancestors too, and for my children’s children. Having all the scary conversations, breakdowns and gripping on for dear life every day.
Do you think that far ahead? Do you reflect on how YOU helping heal parts of YOURSELF helps your lineage?
I look at the world through a whole new lens, especially after the covid lockdowns, another part that shook me to my core and pushed me into this caravan. I swear. The lineup to get to here has been something else! Big Day Out eat your mother fucking heart out.
I am not 100% sure of how this all functions, but I know it means diving deep into truth into the shadows that haunt me, and deep reflection on my worth. On my own childhood, of the trauma that ripples through my family, and making space for the healing.
God how I am here to heal!
I am not here to change your mind on anything, just share this REAL journey of who I am, who I am becoming, and all the bullshit turns we take to get through. The setbacks. The parts that light me up, the dark parts. It might help some, it may make others hate on me. Whatever. But I am telling my story…
No flash YOU TUBE channel, and INSTA worthy caravan page.
Not what we are doing. This is the messy part.
You see the fucked shit of living the life in the hospital, now see the MESSY, CONFRONTING REAL space of healing to get to the other side.
The no bullshit zone. The unlearning and relearnng.
My website will have offerings, and by god I miss my work. But for me to keep being the best version of me, plus bringing in all that new light I need to work on me also. Slowing life down to snail pace. It is nice.
The offerings will POP UP now and then so stay tuned on Instagram for that.
So this is The Shed 888, the 2024 version of the “HEALING” phase, I guess.
I hope you’ll stick around, follow on and maybe even reflect on your own things.
Take what you need.
Whatever your here for, I see you.
x Ferris x
And now… Ill do whatever the fuck I want